No vampire could be as terrifying as the worst merchandise tying in with the Twilight phenomenon. To help you collect holiday gag gifts that will horrify your friends, we’ve gathered the craziest and most ridiculous Twi-crap in existence.
This letter was actually sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Oxford : Dear Mrs. Murray, Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they weren’t looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,’Code 3’in housewares….. and watched what happened. 5. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove. 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. 9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were. 10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible’ theme. 11. November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the ‘Madonna look’ using different size funnels. 12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled ‘PICK ME!’ ‘PICK ME!’ 13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,assumed the foetal position and screamed ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again.’And; last, but not least: 14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled, very loudly, ‘There is no toilet paper in here.’
Are your photographs suffering from a decided feline shortage? There’s a cat for that.
Davander Mobile has launched CatPaint, an app that lets you add cuteness—in feline form—to any photo on your iPhone or iPod touch. You grab a photo, choose a kitten, and then tap to place it anywhere within the image.
No iPhone cat-drawing app would be complete without accelerometer support; CatPaint lets you shake the phone gently to erase the last cat added, or shake violently to remove all the cats you’ve superimposed. (Warning: Do not shake your actual cat.)
CatPaint lets you e-mail your be-kittened masterpieces to your soon-to-be-ex-friends, or just save them to your camera roll in private shame. The app costs $1, and is available now in the App Store; it works with any iPhone or iPod touch running iPhone OS 3.1.2 or later.
Update: As a show of our dedication, the Macworld staff has subjected the app to intense scrutiny to determine if it lives up to its promise of cats in your photos. The full results of our in-depth tests are now available.—Dan Moren
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